10 Reasons Why the Rosetta Comet Landing Was a Hoax

David Chase Taylor
November 15, 2014

SWITZERLAND, Basel — When the European Space Agency (ESA) allegedly landed the Philae spacecraft on the 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko comet which is reportedly traveling 84,000 MPH, you may have been thinking, wait, what, really!? Are you serious!? If so, you weren’t alone.

Aside from the fact that the comet landing was strait out of the Hollywood movie “Armageddon” (1998) (see trailer) starring Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, there are far too many anomalies surrounding the historic event not to scientifically reevaluate exactly what us Earthlings are being asked to believe.

After all, neither NASA nor the ESA has put a man on the relatively stationary Moon since 1972 (allegedly) and its only 249,000 miles away from Earth. Conversely, the 67P comet is some 310,000,000 miles away from Earth and moving at 23.6 miles per second. Therefore, the likelihood that a 10-year old spacecraft landed on the comet first try around is highly improbable to say the least.

Considering that landing on a flying space rock had never been executed let alone attempted in the history of mankind, the ESA either had a severe case of “beginner’s luck”, or the incident was an elaborate hoax. After reading the evidence depicted herein, chances are you will agree with the latter.

1. No Video Footage
According to Rosetta’s Wikipedia page, “Information gathered by [Rosetta’s] onboard cameras beginning at a distance of 24 million kilometers (15,000,000 mi) were processed at ESA‘s Operation Centre to refine the position of the comet in its orbit to a few kilometers.” However, to date, no “live” footage of the comet landing has ever been produced. Instead, the EAS released a 7:56:35 video which contains a lot of computer models, speeches and scientific cheerleading but no actual footage of the event. Since Rosetta and Philae are state-of-the-art spacecraft, the lack of video footage is highly suspect and suggests the ESA has something to hide.


2. No Real-Time Communication
Philae’s alleged landing on the 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko comet was reportedly executed from ESA Mission Control at ESOC in Darmstadt, Germany. Considering that the comet in question is approximately 310,000,000 miles away from Earth, any real-time communication with Philae in respect to its navigation and precision landing on the comet which is traveling 84,000 MPH (23.6 miles per second) would have had to occur faster than the speed of light (i.e., 671,000,000 miles per hour). Even if the ESA was able to communicate with Rosetta and Philae at the speed of light (which they cannot), there would be an approximant 25-27 minute lag between operational maneuvers emanating from Germany and real-time maneuvers in deep space (i.e., this is calculated by dividing 310 million by 671 million). In short, it’s an impossible feat. For lack of a better analogy, it would be like driving a race car at 84,000 miles per hour with a 25 minute delay in respect to the road ahead. Needless to say, a fiery crash would be in short order.


3. No Aerodynamic Shape
Considering that real comets such as Halley’s Comet are flying through space at an extremely high rate of speed, they tend to become rather aerodynamic over time due to the cosmic dust and cosmic rays (i.e., high-energy radiation) the encounter while careening though space. This is clearly not the case with the 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko comet which exhibits a rather odd boot or lion-like shape. In short, the comet is very un-comet like which suggests that its entire likeness was fabricated, most likely in an advanced form of Photoshop.

4. No Stars
In up-close Rosetta-based photos of the 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko comet from August 3, 2014, and September 19, 2014, there are no visible stars in the background. Outside the range of the Sun, stars are extremely bright yet there are none to be found whatsoever. Rosetta-based photos of the 67P comet from August 2, 2014 and August 29, 2014 depict a plethora of stars in the background, suggesting that the up-close photos of the comet were created in Photoshop.


Larry, Moe and Curley ‘Blast-off’ to the International Fake Station

Kazakhstan Cosmodrome, May 15, 2012

After much delay within NASA’s Special Effects Department, early this morning a three-man crew was shoe-horned into the Russian Soyuz TMZ-F8KN-IT ‘spacecraft’ and headed up to the IFS for a six month stay aboard the orbiting laboratory. With help from the Geek Squad, NASA’s system is now back on-line, “The dang computers just locked-up”, explained Chief Bolden, who helped deliver the Hubble to the Cosmodrome back in 1990 while the Russians launched an orbital decoy. “We were in the middle of rendering a Martian landscape and we ran out of memory, but luckily we don’t need the 3-D package for flights up to the Fake Station because we already have cameras inside the mock-up” Bolden said.

Veteran Cosmo-clown Larry, 48, had this to say just before launch; “The International Fake Station is world’s away from when we were busy faking the Mir, because now we have computers on board that actually work, plus they all have photo-shop and we get to play Galaga.” Cosmo Larry, originally from Moscow, used to ride his bicycle to Star City. “Sometimes I’d bring my swimming trunks and they’d let me scuba in their pool. I got really good at disconnecting underwater hoses and stuff, so they initiated me into their aquatic space fraternity.” Larry said he packed his swimming trunks inside his carry-on up to the IFS in case they need to fix anything outside.

Moe, 45, who has already ventured up to the IFS via the Space Shuttle (which NASA has retired because they’ve milked that black ‘n white cow for what it’s worth), was excited about ‘flying’ to the IFS aboard the dinky Soyuz craft; ”This is gonna be fun!” the Texas native exclaimed, “I’m taking my camera too so I can post some really cool pictures of exploding stars from the ‘Big Boing’ on my facebook page” he said.

Moe grew up dreaming of becoming one of NASA’s highly regarded Astro-actors and studied ‘spaceflight’ drama at the Canaveral Institute of Tax-Funded Fakes for 2 years following his internship at Disney World dressed up as Goofy. “Playing the role of Goofy has really helped me become a highly effective member of NASA’s Astro-acting team,” Moe said. “It’s kind of surreal that I actually get paid to goof-off inside the IFS sets with tax-payer money, and I even crack myself up, especially on pay day.” Moe has literally thousands of friends on facebook and twitter, and plans to update his page moment by moment in order to keep his fans ‘in the know’ about his tweeting activities while aboard the Fake Station.

Semi-retired Air Force pilot Col. Curley grew tired of the political ‘show’ in Washington, so he decided to return to his acting career, “It’s good to be back, and things haven’t changed a bit here at NASA in 50 years. Why I even spotted a ’67 GTO parked outside.” The classic Goat, which has dummy hood scoops, is allegedly driven by a NASA stuntman who is learning some neat magic tricks from his blonde girlfriend who lives in a fake vase.